Friendship Breakups

 girl talk: Friendship Heartbreaks

 

Whether it was a 3-month, 4 years or a decade old friendship, friendship breakups hurt. We cannot undo the pain, the grief or the friendship. But what we can do, is heal and be secure in ourselves to attract better, healthier friends. So make yourself a warm cup of coffee, tea, or any beverage of your choice and cozy up, while we have a therapeutic talk about friendship and learn the ways to heal. 

Part 1: Accepting

Your sadness is valid. You could have been friends with them for as short as a month or your whole childhood. You could have drifted away or have had an argument that would permanently stain your friendship. We all process loss of friendship in different ways, manners and temperaments. And that is completely okay. The timespan of a friendship or the frequency of how often you talked does not determine the intimacy or the connection you both could have. 

Do whatever needs to be done. Cry, journal, overthink, go on long walks, stretch, exercise, or anything that suits your ways. As long as you don't actively try to distract yourself from your emotions.

Distraction is just a way to delay facing your emotions. That being said, you will have to face it one day or another. And until you feel all your feelings, and go through every thought without avoidance, you won't heal. 

It's okay to grieve your friendship and be nostalgic but it's not healthy to think that this means there is fault in you, or that you'll never have good friends. Those are completely false thoughts that do not support you in your healing.

Part 2: Healing

After processing your feeling about the friendship healthily, it's time to focus on yourself. Reflect on yourself and the boundaries you set in relationships, may it be friends, family or new people. Rethink your current boundaries and set goals for newer, healthier ones that don't drain you. Also rethink what qualities you're looking for in friends that makes you interested in growth and inspires you.

Reconnect with or resume old hobbies, routines or people that make you feel safe. Build a routine that's self sustaining and doesn't depend on anyone else but you. Find meaning in what you do or work towards it. It will take time. 

Be understanding and compassionate towards yourself. Grief doesn't just disappear and never comes back. Grief is sure to visit, on days you aren't expecting it to. You'll remember a memory of them and start reminiscing. The point is to let it happen and give yourself grace. Do not act on impulsive thoughts during that time but understand that life happens. 

After doing these, you'll be ready on your own time to gain new friendships. 

Remember, healing does not happen in 3 months or a year. Everyone needs their own time and it can be as long or as short as they want it to be. Do not feel ashamed to take your time, because after all, this is your life and you'll be living it. 

xoxo